How to make decisions from hope vs. fear

The first time I was asked to give a keynote, I almost said no.

It was ages ago, when I was a Managing Director at a venture capital firm in New York City.

I was on a panel of investors at an event for young entrepreneurs and after we were done, a gentlemen came up to me and said:

“I loved what you had to say and I’d love to invite you to give a talk at a conference for women entrepreneurs we’re hosting at Syracuse University in a few months.”

I had been in venture capital for about a year at that point and still felt like I was mostly stumbling my way to understanding how to invest in and help startup companies.

I definitely didn’t feel like I was in any position to be speaking to a room full of women entrepreneurs!

As I was about to tell him that I couldn’t do it and make up some logistical excuse, the gentleman said:

“The challenge is that we’ve already assigned all speaking slots… so what I want to do is give you my opening keynote spot. I run the entrepreneurship program at Syracuse so I have a bit of flexibility and am happy to do that,” he said, smiling.

WHAT?!

Not only was he inviting me to speak but he was willing to give up his speaking spot for me?

I remember at that moment having two completely different thoughts:

I absolutely can’t say yes.

I definitely can’t say no.

I don’t remember exactly how or what nudged me, but I ended up saying yes.

A few months later, I gave the opening keynote at a women’s entrepreneurship conference at Syracuse University.

It felt scary and exhilarating.

The keynote resonated so much that the workshop I was doing afterwards was overbooked and they ended up bringing dozens more chairs to fit everyone who wanted to attend.

It was an amazing experience and it felt deeply meaningful to fuel and inspire so many women entrepreneurs.

I didn’t yet know that 15 years later, I would be speaking to tens of thousands of people and that speaking would be a big part of my work.

It would take many more turns and reinventions to get there and to recognize that speaking is one of my unique gifts and one way that I love to fuel and inspire others.

But that experience of saying YES to something even though it was scary and uncomfortable opened the door to a new possibility that I hadn't even considered before. It expanded how I saw myself and my future.

And it only happened because I made the choice from hope instead of fear.

Are you making decisions from a place of hope or fear?

Fear tells you all the reasons why you shouldn’t do something.

It wants you to stay “safe” where you are instead of growing and expanding towards something you want -- or something that you want to explore.

Why? Because growing and expanding means embracing discomfort and possible disappointment.

When you choose from fear, you literally say “no” to exploring new dimensions of your life that might bring you joy and meaning because you don’t want to deal with discomfort.

If I had said “no” to an opportunity to speak to that group of women entrepreneurs because it felt uncomfortable, I wouldn’t have uncovered the dimension of myself as a speaker -- something that brings me immense joy!

Hope is the opposite:

Hope tells you all the reasons why you could do something.

Hope isn’t blind optimism.

Hope is about having something that you truly want and being willing to work towards it -- even if it’s uncomfortable.

When you choose from hope, you choose to take actions to grow and expand in ways that are aligned with what you value and what is meaningful to you.

I didn’t have a goal of becoming a speaker when I accepted that speaking engagement. But I didn’t love my career in venture capital and wanted to uncover a career path that was more fulfilling. Saying “yes” to something new was part of doing that.

Hope doesn’t come with guarantees.

You might try something and it doesn’t work out. You might have to deal with disappointment and frustration. Yes, you might fail.

But the very fact that you took an action to expand and grow in a certain way feels deeply good!

The more you do this, the more you see yourself as someone who has the courage and ability to do new things.

Your hopeful actions fuel your more confident self-concept -- which, in turn, helps you to take more hopeful and courageous actions.

And that’s also why when you choose from a place of fear, it never feels very good: When you choose safety over taking actions that are aligned with what you truly value, your life doesn’t feel authentic.

In a way, you’re cheating on your true self by avoiding the discomfort of growth.

So I want you to reflect on these questions -- without judgment:

Are you making choices from a place of fear or hope?

Are you willing to give up on a life that feels deeply good and authentic because you’re unwilling to handle some discomfort and disappointment?

What do you value, including the kind of person you want to be? How can you use your values as your guide for the actions you take?

Hope vs. fear. 

This is the choice you're making with every decisions.

I HOPE that reading this has inspired you to make hope your foundation.